A rant on fangirls

You know what pisses me off?

Yaoi fangirls.

They ruined yaoi for me completely. Now I can't say "yaoi" without someone thinking I'm rabid like they are. It's annoying. I like slash. I love slash. I actually prefer slash. But those Mary Sues who slash anything with a dick are giving us sane fans a bad name.
Because they're afraid of their own vaginas (BOO! I said the v-word. Vagina vagina vagina! Go tell your mommies now.) all women must be whiny little bitches and whores who try to rip the smexy troo luv of the two main men apart. Yes, Kairi haters, I mean you. And that's not even just in the yaoi section. Hello Het fangirls, get the fuck back here, you're just as guilty. Can you say Lyn/Eliwood and Ninian/Eliwood? Yeah, I thought you could. The sad thing is that they're actually convinced that this is how the character acts in cannon and go far out of their way to bash them relentlessly.

Usually, the grammar is atrocious. There are exceptions, of course. And I'm not talking about "They're/Their/There". Repeat after me. YOU DO NOT USE CHATSP33K IN PROPER FICTION. Ever. And there's something called 'punctuation'. It's your friend. Also, you don't do songfics. What the hell? It ruins flow and usually is the most sappiest, inappropriate song that you could ever choose. I don't care if it's the greatest Snake/Otacon story ever. As soon as I see the first lyric or the word 'Songfic' in the story, I either press 'back' or ignore it completely.

DO YOUR RESEARCH. Roy is not a pyromaniac, nor is he a punk, nor is he suicidal, nor does he know what Greenday is. Marth is not a cold, stoic, feminine, sadistic bastard who's bitter about being exiled from his kingdom. They are not from the same game. Do not put a story with just them in the SSB section without putting AU in the summary. Put it in Fire Emblem clearly labeled a cross over and an AU, and that's fine.


Also, they rape cannon. If character A and character B hate eachother beyond belief, they're not gonna make sweet gentle love and appologize for trying to kill one another. If one guy has a girlfriend he loves more then life itsself, he's not going to dump her for his love rival.

This goes for het, too. Illyana/Soren and Lethe/Soren aren't cannon. They don't even speak to each other once in the game. And he hated Lethe. She hated him back equally. They're above hatesex. That's pretty hardcore for people who are "made for each other". Illyana would probably eat Soren before they could confess their "1 tru wuv" (I still find it funny that Soren is weaker then Ms. Hungry Man). Don't get me wrong, I love both ladies. They're kickass. Hell, I like the above pairings if they're well written. But unless there is a shit load of character development, emotional wall breaking, plus a good five years, nothing would happen. That goes for pretty much all pairings.

The "they hate each other so they must be in love" theory? What the hell. They aren't grade primaries. This doesn't work in real life, kiddies. Gannon doesn't want to sleep with Link, trust me. Link doesn't even have a personality. Obsessive love easily turns into hate, not the other way around.

You know what pisses me off more? The hypocrites who cry about het-likers flaming their work, then turn around and flame yuri. Not all fangirls do this, but what the hell?! Talk about a double standard. You give us an even worse name now. Two guys can get it on and it's romantic, but two girls hold hands and it's sick. Grow up. I don't care if you don't like yuri, just don't go flaming it. Just take your own advice and hit the 'back' button. Not all femslash fans are fifteen year old male perverts, or lesbians. I like yuri and yaoi equally. I also like het. And don't even think of whining about how there's too much yuri 'cause you goddamn know that there isn't any. It's all het and yaoi and don't deny it.

And what the hell is with the pairing wars? Don't read it if you don't like it. Jesus. If I like Ike/Soren and you like Stefan/Soren, who cares? If I like Wolt/Roy and you like Marth/Roy or whatever, don't flame me because of it.

Which actually brings me to another point, for both het and slash. Just because two characters are best friends doesn't mean that they have feelings for one another.

Oh, and please stop murdering the characters just so that you can have your weepy kawaii moe moe uke and hot serious agressive seme. Soren can top Ike any day and you know it. Stop trying to ruin this pairing for me, because it's not working and it's getting annoying. Also, Soren isn't emo. Just because he wears black and has an angsty back story doesn't mean that the character's emo. Stop stereotyping everything, 'cause you're making my eyes bleed.

And one more bit of advice. Don't use fangirl Japanese. It's not even accurate. You write in English, you are English, and you don't live in Japan. Stop slaughtering this intimate language. I don't care if you're learning Japanese. I'm learning Gaelic and I'm not using it in my fics. And it's not how you learn. Reading and listening to actual Japanese media is how you learn. If anything, putting bad Japanese in fic is making you worse  and is impeding your study.

Now keep in mind that this isn't aimed towards all yaoi fans. God no. I'm one myself. Just the rabid prissy girls who try to ruin all of our reputations. This doesn't attack people who make crack pairings for fun, either.

This isn't personal and isn't directed at anyone in specific. And maybe I'm being too harsh. But it seems that tough love is the only way to get through to them.

By the way, I know I'm not being very Buddhist or 'Christian' or whatever the hell. Screw it. This was written in what you might call a "fit of passion". I'm not quite concerned with minding my manners.

I'm not homophobic and I don't hate myself. I'm just sick of these bubblegum fangirls representing every slash fan in existence.

You can ship what ever you want. Go ahead, I don't care. Just make sure that it's in character and that you have a legitimate reason for liking it other then "They look so cute together!" or "It's AU adsjkhkdsk;ashgk;dsah GTFO bitch"

I bet you're not even reading this. I also bet that the ones who aren't are the ones who are gonna flame me first. If you are actually finishing this rant, you get a cookie for not being a prissy asshat who wont let people finish : D